As I've said before, most of time, people have been amazingly encouraging and supportive. Honestly, the outpouring of love is overwhelming at times. I get a little verklempt thinking about it.
But every once and a while a person commenting on my body goes a little too far... It starts to edge into the uncomfortable zone of compliments.
For example, the other day at work an older lady came in for some glasses adjustments. This was the third time this month she had been in, and each time she just kept gushing over me.
The first time was fine. She hadn't seen me for a while, and she was very sweet. She told me "You look so great! Good for you!" All very normal. I smiled and thanked her, and she went on her way.
Two weeks later she was in again for another adjustment, and this time she brought a friend.
"I've been telling my friend about you, and I just had to bring her in to show her how much weight you've lost!! I just can't get over how much you've changed. I mean, wow! You've lost a lot weight! I can't get over it!"
Her friend replied "Yeah! I think you need to be my best friend, and tell me all your secrets! You look so great. You must tell me what you're doing!!!"
(Ooookaaaayy...)
At this point I started to sympathize with zoo animals and members of an old school carnival freak show. I felt like slapping a sign on my chest that read: STEP RIGHT UP, FOLKS AND GAWK IN AMAZEMENT AT THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN! FOR ONLY ONE NICKLE YOU TOO CAN SEE THIS STRANGE CREATURE!
Instead, I laughed my patented polite, nervous laugh, and rattled off my usual spiel about walking and eating better. Then I thanked them and walked/scurried back to my office area. All the while I'm thinking "Weird. What in the heck was that?!"
Last week she came in for the third time, and for the third time all she could talk about was me and how I had changed. "I still can't get over it! You just look so different! You've lost so much weight. Just wow!" And then. "How much weight have you lost????? You must have lost a lot!!"
Okay stop right there. Now, I don't mind at all if friends ask me that question, but someone I barely know and on a professional level no less? Really? That just seems so bizarre to me, and frankly, it's none of their business. I would never ask a cashier at the grocery store or my librarian a question like that.
Did I tell her? Yes, I did because I was at work, dang it, and my boss doesn't pay me to dish out snarky replies like "Mind your own business, you nosy old biddy!" Also, my parents raised me to be polite to my elders.
After she left (after a couple more awkward compliments), I started to think about why this bothered me so much.
It boiled down to this. Her compliments made me feel that because I had lost some weight, I became a better person in her eyes. Like I was finally worthy of attention.
Did she mean it? Most likely not, but that was how I felt. Before I had lost weight, I don't ever remember her complementing me on my appearance, and now it was all she could talk about.
It made me feel uncomfortable, and little niggling doubts about my worth wanted to creep into my heart.
Look. I get it. We live in an appearance driven world. Everywhere we turn there are magazines, ads, and billboards screaming at us to sign up for this booty boot camp.
Try these crunches to have sexy toned abs.
Take this pill to trim those child bearing hips.
What? Do you really want stay looking like your farmer wives ancestors?! No man will ever find you attractive looking like that.
Seriously. Ugh.
In reality, a person is still the same person whether or not they've lost a bunch of weight.
I'm still the same person.
I'm still the same quirky, awkward, nerd girl who posts way too many pictures of baked goods she's made on her Instagram account.
And you know what?
I. Have. Worth.
God sees me as his beautiful daughter and worthwhile.
My family sees me as beautiful and worth it.
My friends see me as beautiful and worth it, though the baked goods may help with that.
It took checking those doubts, and reminding myself of my worth no matter what my size or number on the scale. I have the assurance that my Jesus, my family, and my closest friends love me no matter what I look like to the rest of the world. And that my dear readers is all that matters.
P.S. Please don't think I'm trying to tell anyone that they shouldn't compliment someone who's lost weight. I'm not.
Anyone who's going through any big lifestyle renovation i.e. losing weight, quitting smoking/drinking/drug use, or dealing with a hard family situation needs encouragement. They need people coming alongside them to cheer them on, or just give them a hug.
Just... please, don't be weird about it.
Remember. Words can either harm or heal. Use them wisely.
P.S.S. YOU, DEAR READER ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WORTH IT TOO. NO MATTER WHAT THE REST OF THE WORLD TRIES TO TELL YOU. DON'T FORGET THAT.
P.S.S.S.Sorry Cosmo Health USA, but I'm pretty sure this butt and these hips will still be with me no matter what. Blame it on my Northern European/Viking warrior woman genes. And hey, read a book. Those warrior women were pretty awesome, so I'm good with that.
