Go Quietly by Cold War Kids
Feeling Good (Bassnectar Remix) by Nina Simone
I know I complain about being single, but honestly most of the time, singleness is... pretty flippin' awesome!
But sometimes, that awesomeness is swallowed up by society screaming at you that you're a waste as a human being because you haven't found your special unicorn yet.
In that light, I thought I would list some of the things that make singledom fantastic, but first, could all you "coupled up" people out there please do three teeny tiny favors for us singles?
Side note: Two of these apply specifically to people who attend church frequently.
First. Please for the love of Gallifrey, do not stick anyone over the age of 23 in the "college group" just because that happens to be only other small group that has singles.
What?!
Dude, I have 12-15 years on these kids! Most of them still have the scent of their high school locker wafting off their jackets. I mean, in some cases I'm almost the same age as their mothers. (Holy crap, I almost gave myself a heart attack there.) Not they're not amazing people, we're just not in the same space in our lives.
Church, there's no need to separate the married and unmarried. We can talk to and relate with couple type people just fine. It's not like we're Zocci from the planet Sto or anything (Hey yo! Whovian references being thrown down).
Second. Do not assume that because I'm an unmarried female of a certain age that somehow I'm dying for a maternal fix, and "You should sign up for nursery, and children's church, and VBS and Kid's Club and..."
Look. Kids are amazing. I love chatting with them, seeing how creative they are and listening to their funny stories. I'm so excited to be an auntie whenever that day comes.
But...
I AM NOT CALLED TO CHILDREN'S MINISTRY.
I have no need for a kid fix. My ovaries are not bursting at the sight of every baby. My biological clock may be ticking, but I'm kind of waving at it as it's passing me by (sorry, Mom.)
Third. Do not assume that because I'm single that I'm somehow incomplete.
Do I want to be married? Yes. Do I feel unfufilled because I'm not? No. Do I feel like I'm less of a person because I'm single? NO. So don't treat me that way.
Also please don't give me condescending brush offs like: "You can't understand how hard life can be until you're married. It's work. Back breaking, soul aching work."
Wow. You're really endorsing married life there, aren't ya, Hoss?
And yeah, you're so right. My life is all cupcakes and glitter and Pegasus's throwing up four leaf clovers. It's easy like a summer day, yo! I can't possibly understand life's hardships right now!!
Snort. Grumble. Hmmph.
Whoa, enough of the rant, woman. I thought you were supposed to be telling us why being single is great, not screaming at us.
Okay, you're right, imaginary reader. I stop yelling...for now.
Okay, here we go.
1. I can go 4-5 months without shaving (I'd like to thank Montana Winters/leggings/tights), and there's no one to complain about my lack of follicle maintenance or the fact that my gams look like they belong on a lady sasquatch.
2. Cereal for dinner.
3. Sole ownership of the remote. I can watch four back to back episodes of Buffy, Supernatural, or The Great British Baking Show, and no one whines "Can't we watch something else? The Game is on!" (Lord, can you and I just come to an agreement that the gentleman you have for me won't be rabid sports fan? Please and thank you.)
4. I can hang out with friends at a moments notice.
5. Chips and salsa for dinner.
6. The entire bed to myself. I can lie diagonally, spread eagle, upside down, and sideways if I wanna. IT'S GLORIOUS.
7. The opportunity to focus solely on my relationships with my family and friends.
8. No one wakes me up in the middle of the night asking for a drink of water or a snack or to take them to the bathroom.
9. Laundry day takes me less than two hours, and it's only once a week.
10. No Anna. No Elsa. No Frozen soundtrack on repeat 500 times a day.
11. No Man Colds. Ladies, you know what I mean.
12. Going to the bathroom in complete solitude.
13. Oatmeal, an apple, and a chunk of cheese for dinner.
14. Coordinating holiday events doesn't yet require the same skill set as a hostage negotiator.
15. Lastly and most importantly being single allows me to be have the freedom to drop everything at a single moment's notice to help whoever and wherever God needs me.
Don't get me wrong. I long for the day when (or if) God brings that certain special guy into my life, but that day isn't today. So why shouldn't I be loving the heck out of the time where He has me right now?
