#single
The other day, I received a notification on a certain social media site that I had a new "like" on a picture.
I didn't recognize the user name so being the nosy person I am, I clicked open their profile.
Three realizations flashed through my brain the minute I opened that profile.
1. I immediately realized I knew who's profile this was.
2. #single was the only word in their user profile description.
3. I knew for a fact that this person was only 12 years old.
12. Years. Old.
I'll be honest. My first thought was super snarky one. "You're 12, and you're complaining about being single??!! Ha! Try being 33!!"
Then it sunk in what I had just read, and my second thought was "You're 12, and you're complaining about being single. Oh sweetheart, no."
The idea that the only word that they thought was worth using to describe their self was the fact that they weren't in a relationship with someone else almost broke my heart.
Did they truly place so little worth on who they were?
Who they were created to be?
They're 12 years old! Why are they so worried about being single? Shouldn't their biggest concerns be homework, and why their siblings are so annoying?
Did their parents know?
If so, how in the name of Firefly did they let them put that on their profile?
Look, before I start getting parents barking at me:
"Who do you think you are?! You're not a parent! You have know idea what it's like! How hard it is! I don't have time to police every little thing in my kid's life! Don't you dare tell me how to parent!"
You're absolutely right.
I have no clue how hard it is to be a parent. I especially can't even fathom what it would be like to raise kids in this current culture.
I know the media bombards kids with celebrity couples WHO WEREN'T COMPLETE UNTIL THEY FOUND THEIR SPECIAL UNICORN.
I know it seems like every single tv show, movie, and/or pop song is all about finding true love, and it's a struggle just to find something appropriate for kids to watch or listen to.
You parents have all my respect and admiration.
But...but... I may not be a parent, but I know a lot of parents.
And I'm a huge people watcher.
Combine those two and I've done a lot of observing of families and family dynamics.
Why do I hear parents and grandparents pestering their kids about some girl or boy that they saw them talking to?
"Is he/she your boy/girlfriend? Huh, huh?? You must like them if you were playing with them!"
So they can't possibly just be playing together? It's not possible for kids to just simply be friends?
Why do I hear mothers telling their sixth grade daughters:
"I can't wait for you to get a boyfriend!! You'll be so cute with a boyfriend! You'll love being a girlfriend! I just bet you'll be the first girl in your class to have a boyfriend! You'll be so popular all the boys will be after you! You know, your dad and I were high school sweethearts. I hope that happens to you too!"
It may seem so innocent, just a little teasing, but really it's not. Kids take so much more to heart than we realize.
Despite outward appearances, kids/teenagers do listen to us, and when all we're telling them (even if it's in jest) is being in a relationship is what make you cool, what makes you popular, then they think that's what's expected of them too.
Quick sidebar...
Before the relationship police start squawking:
"Who are you to say when someone is allowed to be physically attracted to someone else??!!"
I'm not saying that it's not okay for someone to be attracted to someone else at age 12. I realized that magical age of "attraction" hits at all different ages.
Example: At twelve, my two closest friends were completely boy crazy, and had been for a good two years! I, however, was still more than a year away from transitioning from "Boys are weird, alien creatures. Ew." to "Why can't I stop thinking about these weird, alien creatures all the time?!"
Okay back to business.
Fun fact for you:
According to a Huffington Post article "Only 2% of high school relationships end up in marriage."
2%
2 freakin' %!!!
To belabor the point even farther that means out of 100 high school couples only 2 of those couples will actually make it to the altar.
So why are we telling kids, and letting the media tell kids that their be all and end of their worth as humans is to be in a relationship as soon as possible??
Why are we putting and allowing this weird "relationship" pressure on these kids when we should be encouraging to grow into their personalities??
Helping them discover their interests and working on finding out who they were created to be (not that that process ever stops).
Snort...hmmpphh.
Guys, I know I probably sound like a shrill old spinster at this point, but it just makes me so mad to see kids...and even adults in this head space.
Kids can be and are so much more than a boyfriend or girlfriend.
They are musicians, budding scientists, historians, literature buffs, athletes, comedians, humanitarians, artists, chefs, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, nieces, nephews, grand kids, and friends.
So in the end it's up to us (and yes, I'm including myself and anyone else who has a tween or teen in their life)to tell them that they are worth more than a relationship status.
Along with this we can have frank, honest conversations on what it means to have a good relationship. Discussing it means to be good partner, and what to look for in a partner.
When that day comes that they're ready to start finding that Person, tell them that because they are such amazing, unique, talented creatures they deserve the best possible person. Someone who loves them like crazy, and to never settle just because they feel the pressure to be in a relationship.
And that because they are so awesome, they're worth waiting for whether they find their Person when they're 16 or 50.
And if there are any 12 year olds reading this, take it from an old, shrill, spinster.
Darling, you are worth waiting for.
