Don't. Do. It.

Okay, this is a call out post to all my fellow Christians, and specifically those Christians whose candidate won the Presidential election this year.

I'm only addressing you guys on this one.

Guys. It's only the first day after the election, and I'm already sick to my stomach with some of the things I've seen posted on social media.

Look, I get it. The guy you voted for won, and you want to celebrate. I understand that, and it's fine.

But.

The gloating, the sneering, the hatred, the bigotry and the sheer ugliness I've seen from fellow believers, and from people I personally know is disgusting. It makes me want to delete every social media platform I'm on.

And before I go any further, and someone accuses me of being a Clinton supporter, I did not vote for Hillary Clinton. I also did not vote for Donald Trump. Yes, I'm one of those despised third party voters, and let me to tell you, the vitriol being spewed at voters like me rivals the hate that the Liberal Left and the Conservative Right are currently throwing at each other. It has been quite the learning experience. Hooooo buddy, let me tell you what.

All right, now that we have that cleared that up

All I want to do is smack these people upside the head, and scream "Really?! REALLY?! This is how you behave? You say you're a believer, and this is you showing the love of Christ to others. Grow. UP."

You mock the people who say about Trump "He's not my president!", but you have the same exact phrase about President Obama plastered on your truck's bumper.

You say, "We need to fix this divide in our country!" with one breath, and then post gloating hatred on your Facebook wall with the other.

I can already hear the whining "But the liberals do it all the time about us."

You're right. They do, and it's not right. But just because they it do doesn't give you the right to do it.

"But I have freedom of speech! I have that right! I can say whatever I want! It's a free country!"

Again you're right. We are blessed enough to live in a country where we can voice our opinions, but we who claim to be Christians answer to a much Higher Authority, and He calls us to:

• Turn the other cheek even when others are hurting us. (Luke 6:29)
• Be kind others because He was kind to us, and if we are not, He will cut us off. (Romans 11:22)
• Speak kindly to those who talk bad about us. (1 Corinthians 4:13)
• Live quiet, peaceful lives with our neighbors. (1 Timothy 2:2)
• Love each other. (Matthew 19:19)
• Have love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22)
• Forgive tirelessly. (Luke 17:4)

Friends, I know it's hard, but we must do it. We commanded by Christ to do it. We cry for unity, but if it doesn't start with us, the children of God, who will it start with?

Do you really want to be the "Ugly Christian" that the world too often sees, and hates?

Is posting a meme about the warrior Trump cutting the head off of Medusa Clinton really worth ruining your testimony to others?

We are to be light and hope to a dying world, and yet some of us are mocking the people who are honestly scared for their lives right now.

I think one of my favorite rappers said best it on his Twitter today:

"I would NEVER be mad at how someone votes. Whoever our country elects is MY president. I will honor them. But don't gloat. Empathy...please." - Heath McNease

Don't do it, guys. Don't give into it. Please. I'm begging you. I'm pleading with you to be the bigger person, and don't give into all this hatred, bigotry, and gloating.

If you do, you're no better than the Prius driving liberal who claims that all Christians are a bunch ignorant hypocrites.

DON'T. DO. IT.

Girly Woes: Part Tres

Music:  MMMbop by Scott Bradlee & Postmodern Jukebox
            Salt and Shadows by Thrice
            Close Your Eyes by RHODES


Part Tres of my ongoing Girly Woes series coming at ya!

Packing

Oh sweet merciful heavens, packing for a trip. Even though you tell yourself, lecture yourself, plead with yourself, "Don't worry if you forget something. There will be a Target or Walmart somewhere in the vicinity that you can run to if you forget your toothbrush or contact lens solution. You're only going away for three days. You don't need to pack three extra tubes of toothpaste, and twelve pairs of underwear."

Yet, you still do it. You pack enough outfits to dress three other women.

Why?

You're a smart, practical woman. You know you don't need to bring all this extra crap with you, but that needling, wheedling ear worm of a question ricochets through your head all through the packing process, "What if...remember that one time?"

Aw, that one time...

If you're like me, you had an incident happen to you over 10 years ago that scarred you for life, and haunts you still. Maybe an incident such a this...

You're out of town on a youth mission trip, and you packed just enough undergarments to last the whole trip. No more. No less...

Cue to an evening after serving all day and everyone is hanging out and relaxing. Suddenly your little brother decides that it's a good idea to zip himself into a sleeping bag and try sliding down an entire flight of stairs, and then top off that performance with him reenacting Heimlich the Caterpillar's emerging from his chrysallis scene from A Bug's Life. Then pan to you laughing so hard you wet yourself.

Of course, you excuse yourself to change, but after digging frantically through your clothes, you realize that you don't have a single spare set of underwear. Scene change to later that evening as you're standing in the bathroom late at night, washing a pair of drawers in the sink with that horrible orange Dial antibacterial hand soap, and swearing to yourself, "Never again. Never again will I be without three extra pairs of panties packed with me at all times."

That one incident stalks your memories and the over packing cycle continues forever and always.

Showering quickly

Now I know all women don't struggle with this one (I'm looking a certain close friend and mother here), but I do. Oh sweet lawdy, do I struggle with this one.

How? Just how?

I mean in the time it take me to get the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair, some people are already done with all their business in the shower, drying off and styling their hair.

Whaaaaat?

Then there's me still wiping the suds from my eyes, and I have yet to scrub the rest of my body, wash my face, and shave (But only if it's summer. Ya'll know my lack of shaving habits in the winter.)

Maybe it's because I have the deadly combo of thick hair and an even thicker body, but still...

Hoooooooow???

Please show me your ways, oh Jedi shower masters.


Peeing outside

Okay fellas, real talk here. The ability to pee outside as easily and freely as you do is one of the few things that make me wish I was a guy. That and the fact that all your toiletries are way cheaper than mine, but that's a whole other post for a different day.

(Also that you can go into a full on 'Roid Rage mode without having someone ask you if you're "PMS-ing".)

Do you realize how good you have it? Do you?!

You just have to find a halfway private tree, unzip and mark your territory.

Sometimes, you don't even look for a tree, you just pull your truck onto the shoulder of the highway, jump out the door, and away you go. Which is actually pretty gross, I mean seriously, dudes, no one wants to see you peeing off the side of the road. If I can hold it, you can hold it.

If I want to pee outdoors, I have to scout out the perfect location:

• It has to be a very private tree stand with no chance of anyone seeing me. 
• It also has to have waist high underbrush encircling said trees so if someone did chance to come upon me, they can only see me from the chest up. 
• It has to be on a bit of an incline so I don't run the risk of pee puddling up around my feet.
• A fallen tree to use as support is extremely desirable as well.

Then comes the process of actually peeing, but hold on, there's prep even for that:

• Make sure no one is around for at least a one mile radius.
• Personally, in order to make sure you don't pee on your pants, I like to at least partially undress. That means I have to pull one leg completely out of my pants.
• Now you have to assume the semi-squat position. This is a potentially risky position for anyone who isn't built like a lodgepole pine because it's very easy to lose your balance trying to do it, so this is where the fallen tree is a godsend. (A lodgepole is a fairly skinny pine tree for all you non-Westerners/city dwellers. Reference photo below) 
• 
• After the semi crouch position is assumed, you can actually start doing the deed. This may sound like the easiest part of the whole ordeal, but in reality, if you're like me, you start in on an intense prayer session with the good Lord that He spare you from peeing down your leg, soaking your underwear, and/or drenching your shoes.
• There. You finally did it. You accomplished the impossible. You, a woman, peed outdoors. You did it with a modicum of dignity and modesty. You even managed to not piddle on yourself. Hooray! Now you can finally move on. 
• But wait! You still have to pull up your drawers. Now begins the process of hopping around like some deranged kangaroo, and praying all the while that you don't catch your shoe on your pants as you pull them up, trip and go you-know-what over teakettle. Because if that happens, you have on your hands a problem I like to call "Full Moon Over Montana". 

Sigh. The things we go through just to spend some time in the great outdoors. The struggle is real, my friends.

Thank you for reading, lovelies, and as always hit me up in the comments of you have any "girly woes" you want me to cover!

P.S. No need to send me links to such devices as the "She Wee". My eyes have already been subjected to pictures of this creation in action from an unwise Google search...shudder...