Mocha Brownies

Music: River by Bishop Briggs
           No Excuses by Needtobreathe
           Implicit Demand For Proof by Twenty One Pilots
           

Coffee and Chocolate.

Was there ever a more perfect flavor combination?

All right, all right, I can hear you saying "But Amanda! What about cheese and bacon or white chocolate and peppermint or chips and salsa or blah blah blah??"

Okay, so maybe not THE perfect combination, but certainly one of the top 10.

It's certainly in my top 5 flavor combinations. So of course I had to create a brownie with a heavy dose of coffee.

You take a coffee infused brownie base, add a rich, decadent coffee cream cheese filling, top that with a thick layer of pure chocolate, and finish it all off with a delicate swirl of white chocolate.

Sounds good?

Because they are. 

These little mocha gems are totally my jam.

And since my mama raised my to share, I couldn't keep these all to myself. So I'm sharing them with you guys!

(And if you don't like coffee? Well, first off, what in the heck is wrong with you?! And second, these are probably not the brownies for you... Sorry, because these bad boys are coffee-rific.)

Now, let's get down to business (To defeat the Huns! No, no, it's mocha time, not Mulan time. Get it straight.)

Recipe ahoy!

Mocha Brownies

Brownie Base:
1 2/3 c. granulated sugar
3/4 c. butter, melted
3 T. cold espresso or very strong, cold coffee
1 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
1 1/3 c. all purpose flour
3/4 c. cocoa powder
1T. finely ground coffee
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt

Filling:
1 8oz pkg. cream cheese, softened
1/4 c. butter, softened
2 c. powdered sugar, sifted
2 T. cold espresso or very strong, cold coffee
2 T. whipping cream
1 tsp. finely ground coffee

Topping:
1/2 c. bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 c. milk chocolate chips
1 T. shortening

Garnish:
1/4 c. white chocolate chips
1 tsp, shortening


For Brownies:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Mix together sugar, butter, coffee, and vanilla. Whisk in eggs until well combined. Sift together flour, cocoa powder, ground coffee, baking powder, and salt. Stir into egg mixture. Spread batter into a lightly greased 13 x 9 pan. Bake 18-23 minutes or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean. Just be sure not to over bake because no one likes an over cooked brownie.
Cool brownies completely.

For Filling:
Beat together cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Turn mixer to low and gradually mix in powdered sugar until combined. Add in whipping cream, coffee, and ground coffee. Turn mixer to medium, and beat mixture for 1-2 minutes until light and fluffy. Spread filling evenly onto brownies.

For Topping:
In a microwave safe bowl, mix together chocolate chips and shortening. Melt chocolate mixture on low in microwave at 30 second intervals making sure to stir mixture thoroughly after each interval. Heat chocolate until completely melted. Spread onto filling. Immediately start garnish.

For Garnish:
Follow steps for topping and melt the white chocolate chips and shorting. Pour melted white chocolate into pipping bag equipped with a small round tip. Pipe evenly spaced rows onto the still warm topping. Working quickly, take a toothpick and run it through the topping and the garnish in the opposite direction as you piped the garnish. Do this in evenly spaced intervals.

Let chocolate topping and garnish cool and harden completely before cutting into 24 squares.

There you have it! A pan full of coffee and chocolatey goodness. These go best with a tall glass of milk, or to gild the lily even farther, enjoy them with a cup of your favorite coffee. Because what could go better with chocolate and coffee, but more coffee?

Girly Woes: Part One

Music: Psychosocial by Brooke Fraser
            Wild Horses by Bishop
            Friday I'm In Love by Janet Devlin




Eyebrows

It's a daily battle to keep the two woolly caterpillars on my forehead from mating, and when they're not trying to mate, it's seems like they each take turns deciding that it's time to grow arms and try to their darndest to shake hands with my hairline.

Dear Eyebrows, no need to be Hands Across America. The 80's are over and done with. Move on.

Jeans

For the love of Gallifrey, is there no more elusive garment than finding the right pair of jeans? (Well, there is the struggle of finding a decent bra, but I won't go into that here.) It's nearly impossible! In fact, I think I may have a better chance of finding a Yeti than a pair of jeans I love.

Then throw in the fact that I'm plus size, and oh lawdy, someone call Josh Gates because I have a mystery to solve!

I'm either stuck with something that looks like someone's Grandmother decided to go on a rampage with her Bedazzler on the back pockets, constantly wants to ride on my hips, and makes me live in constant fear that I'm going to flash crack if I even look at the ground much less bend over to pick something up off said ground.

Or I get the "Mom Jeans" option.

I'm sorry, but I really don't think my waistband belongs around my ribs, and elastic and pleats don't say "comfort". They say "I'm ready for my retirement home in Arizona! Watch out gentlemen, Mama's got her streeeeetchy pants on, and is ready to party! Now, someone get me a Mai Tai, STAT!"

Dear Cute, Flattering, Non Bedazzled Jeans, no need to hide out like the Loch Ness monster. C'mon out and play.


Big feet

You know as a kid you had that one sledding hill that seemed like you were flying down Mount Everest as you went sliding down it? And then you revisited it as an adult, and you were all "Where's the hill?! This is just a bump in the ground! What happened?!"

Well, that's kind of what having big feet is like only in reverse. What you think are small and delicate are really roughly the size of two canoes.

Example:

You're in the shoe department, innocently browsing through the shoes when you find the perfect pair of ankle boots that you just have to try.

Only when you go to find your size they don't have any out available to try, because heaven forbid we have anything over an 8 1/2 on display.

You then have suck it up and ask the preteen working/texting her boyfriend if they could see if they have a size 9 1/2 or 10 in stock.

After a barely disguised eyeroll and snort of derision, they get up and spend what feels an eternity in the stock room. Then the much put upon employee finally emerges and plops the pair of shoes on the floor next to you, and saunters off to resume texting...er working.

You open the box, only to draw back in horror! These are not the same shoes! I mean they kind of look like the same shoes, but these...these look like something Quasimodo would wear!

Oh sweet Thor, what happened?! Where are my precious little ankle boots?! ?!

Then in denial you try on the size 8's thinking maybe just maybe this particular style runs big?!

Only to look like an idiot because of course they won't fit. Who am I trying to kid? I don't have small dainty feet. I have the feet of a female Sasquatch, and can never have anything pretty for my poor, monstrous feet...sob.

Dear Big Feet, it's not you. It's me. I'm trying my best to learn to love you, but it's really, really hard because I really, really love cute shoes.

I know these are only a few of the woes of being a girl, so hit me up ladies! What are some of your girly woes?

Kitchen Spells

Butter, sugar, flour...

Simple items, yes, but oh, the magic that can be created with them.

How?

Because they're foundation ingredients to thousands of edible spells.

With them baked goods can be created that pull you back to your childhood, provide comfort after a hard day at work, lift spirits, or bring a smile to a troubled face...

Stawberry Lemon bars with just the right amount of tartness to perk up that 4:00 work coma.

Raspberry scones to cuddle with your morning cup of coffee.

Molasses cookies laced with spices and the essence of fall.

Chocolate Chip Cookies that feel like a hug from your mom.

Oatmeal Cherry Cookies that with one bite can feel like coming home from a long day.

Huckleberry Glace Pie that sings out Montana summers in the middle of January.

Strawberry Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting that whisper spring.

Pumpkin Bread, a cup of coffee and conversations with a dear friend are the only things needed to make up a perfect afternoon.

Cinnamon Rolls for lazy Saturday mornings.

And chocolate, oh sweet heavenly chocolate...

Mender of broken hearts and cure all to a horrible day.

Brownies with lightly crisped tops and fudgey centers.

Chocolate Zucchini Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercream that may have you on the verge of confessing your sins.

Double Chocolate Sugar Cookies that might just make you turn your back on regular Vanilla Sugar Cookies forever.

Triple Chip Chocolate Muffins that you can call breakfast, but really you're just eating a cupcake for breakfast, and that's just fine.

People ask me why I bake, and this is why.

All these recipes and so many more help me personally, to share edible expressions of love.

Baking is my love language.

Baking is the magic I need to show my love.

Baking is magic.

Baking is love.

The Perks of Being Single (and a Bonus Rant To Boot)

Music: Scared by Judah & the Lion
           Go Quietly by Cold War Kids
           Feeling Good (Bassnectar Remix) by Nina Simone


I know I complain about being single, but honestly most of the time, singleness is... pretty flippin' awesome!

But sometimes, that awesomeness is swallowed up by society screaming at you that you're a waste as a human being because you haven't found your special unicorn yet.

In that light, I thought I would list some of the things that make singledom fantastic, but first, could all you "coupled up" people out there please do three teeny tiny favors for us singles?

Side note: Two of these apply specifically to people who attend church frequently.

First. Please for the love of Gallifrey, do not stick anyone over the age of 23 in the "college group" just because that happens to be only other small group that has singles.

What?!

Dude, I have 12-15 years on these kids! Most of them still have the scent of their high school locker wafting off their jackets. I mean, in some cases I'm almost the same age as their mothers. (Holy crap, I almost gave myself a heart attack there.) Not they're not amazing people, we're just not in the same space in our lives.

Church, there's no need to separate the married and unmarried. We can talk to and relate with couple type people just fine. It's not like we're Zocci from the planet Sto or anything (Hey yo! Whovian references being thrown down).

Second. Do not assume that because I'm an unmarried female of a certain age that somehow I'm dying for a maternal fix, and "You should sign up for nursery, and children's church, and VBS and Kid's Club and..."

Look. Kids are amazing. I love chatting with them, seeing how creative they are and listening to their funny stories. I'm so excited to be an auntie whenever that day comes.

But...

I AM NOT CALLED TO CHILDREN'S MINISTRY.

I have no need for a kid fix. My ovaries are not bursting at the sight of every baby. My biological clock may be ticking, but I'm kind of waving at it as it's passing me by (sorry, Mom.)

Third. Do not assume that because I'm single that I'm somehow incomplete. 

Do I want to be married? Yes. Do I feel unfufilled because I'm not? No. Do I feel like I'm less of a person because I'm single? NO. So don't treat me that way.

Also please don't give me condescending brush offs like: "You can't understand how hard life can be until you're married. It's work. Back breaking, soul aching work." 

Wow. You're really endorsing married life there, aren't ya, Hoss?

And yeah, you're so right. My life is all cupcakes and glitter and Pegasus's throwing up four leaf clovers. It's easy like a summer day, yo! I can't possibly understand life's hardships right now!!

Snort. Grumble. Hmmph. 

Whoa, enough of the rant, woman. I thought you were supposed to be telling us why being single is great, not screaming at us.

Okay, you're right, imaginary reader. I stop yelling...for now.

Okay, here we go.

1. I can go 4-5 months without shaving (I'd like to thank Montana Winters/leggings/tights), and there's no one to complain about my lack of follicle maintenance or the fact that my gams look like they belong on a lady sasquatch.

2. Cereal for dinner.

3. Sole ownership of the remote. I can watch four back to back episodes of Buffy, Supernatural, or The Great British Baking Show, and no one whines "Can't we watch something else? The Game is on!" (Lord, can you and I just come to an agreement that the gentleman you have for me won't be rabid sports fan? Please and thank you.)

4. I can hang out with friends at a moments notice.

5. Chips and salsa for dinner.

6. The entire bed to myself. I can lie diagonally, spread eagle, upside down, and sideways if I wanna. IT'S GLORIOUS.

7. The opportunity to focus solely on my relationships with my family and friends.

8. No one wakes me up in the middle of the night asking for a drink of water or a snack or to take them to the bathroom.

9. Laundry day takes me less than two hours, and it's only once a week.

10. No Anna. No Elsa. No Frozen soundtrack on repeat 500 times a day.

11. No Man Colds. Ladies, you know what I mean. 

12. Going to the bathroom in complete solitude.

13. Oatmeal, an apple, and a chunk of cheese for dinner.

14. Coordinating holiday events doesn't yet require the same skill set as a hostage negotiator.

15. Lastly and most importantly being single allows me to be have the freedom to drop everything at a single moment's notice to help whoever and wherever God needs me.

Don't get me wrong. I long for the day when (or if) God brings that certain special guy into my life, but that day isn't today. So why shouldn't I be loving the heck out of the time where He has me right now? 

A Love Letter To My Friends

Friend

Unfortunately that word gets bandied around too much.

Thanks to Facebook that word can now apply to anyone from your bestie to that person "you met once at your cousin's wedding, they sent you a friend request the next day and you're too nice of a person to deny them the request even though you know you'll never see or talk to them ever again."

This kind of treatment causes the word loses its punch. 

It gets the brush off.

It becomes something closer to what you might call an acquaintance rather than someone more dear.

I don't know about you, but my friends deserve better than the Facebook treatment because they're so much more than that. 

Let you tell you about my beloved ladies.

They are my:

Kindred spirits (I would like to thank my favorite fictional red head, Anne Shirley for this one.)

Sisters from different misters

The world's most precious commodities

Family by choice.

The ones who walk alongside me, and sometimes push me up that hill when I can't climb any longer.

Who I can unashamedly be my awkward self around.

Who aren't afraid to smack me upside the head when I'm being a whiny baby.

Who tell me I'm beautiful even when I truly do look like crap.

With whom I have crazy inside jokes and phrases that make people wonder if we're still sane (Spoilers. We're not).

("Squatch sisters! Wen. You must be spending a lot of time outside. Greasin' the creases.")

We can pull them out whenever the occasion calls for it and nail them every dang time.

We can read each other's most subtle eye roll, eyebrow raise/wiggle, head tilt, or blank stare.

Who can finish my thoughts even before I finish thinking them through.

Who know when keep the chocolate/salt and vinegar chips/kahlua and cream coming.

Who I would defend until MY dying day.

Who like being around me not in spite of but because I'm a giant nerdy weirdo.

Who know when it's time to throw down an 80's power ballad sing along (Answer? Anytime, all the time.) 

We know each others fears, hopes and dreams, and we each do anything in our power to soothe, inspire, and encourage those.

Who know how to make me laugh at the most inappropriate times, and I adore them for it.

Who sometimes know me better than I know myself (Oh sweet heavens, that so cliche, but...it's true.)

Who spur me on when I lose all drive and ambition.

Who I still can't believe that the Lord blessed me with their friendship.

Here's to those ones

You precious, loved beyond belief soul sisters.

I love you. (And before you protest my cheesiness, because I know at least one of you will, just let me love you and accept my dairy product loving ways.)

Christmas Is...

Music: O Holy Night by House of Heroes
            White Christmas by Bing Crosby
            Christmas Time Is Here by Vince Guaraldi Trio

Christmas is:

Baking marathons spent whipping up favorite family recipes, but slipping in a few new ones.

Watching Danny Kaye fly across the stage with Vera Ellen as Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney croon to each other over buttermilk and sandwiches.

The brothers and I mockingly singing Michael W. Smith's Emmanuel at the top of our lungs.

Christmas tree hunting.

Pulling out favorite ornaments, and reveling in feelings of nostalgia.

Following Buddy the Elf's four food groups.

Winter evenings that are so quiet you can hear the snow land on the trees.

Peppermint everything

Taking time to celebrate Advent.

Walking the streets of Bedford Falls with Jimmy Stewart.

Visiting Holiday Inn with Bing and Fred.

Yelling at the cat to get out of the tree.

Remembering the true meaning of Christmas with Charlie Brown.

Last minute Christmas shopping with my dad for my mom.

Christmas Eve church services.

Reconnecting with family at holiday parties.

Driving around ogling Christmas lights.

Drinking enough coffee on Christmas morning to sink an armada.

Dad's special waffles.

Even as adults, reading the Nativity story together Christmas morning.

Taking the time to remember why I celebrate Christmas.

Remembering that all the fun stuff is just the icing on the cake of what Christmas truly is.

Remembering that a tiny baby didn't just stay a baby, but grew up to be my Savior.

Merry Christmas, all.

A Plea For Holiday Sanity

It's the most wonderful time of the year, but...

It's bat crap crazy.

As I'm writing this, I had the heart attack inducing realization that we have less than a week before Christmas is here.

What the holly jolly heck?! How in the name of Rudolph did that happen?

Every evening is full, lists of Christmas goodies to be made are dancing in my head, and present shipping deadlines are looming.

Groceries need to be bought, cards need to be addressed, gifts need to found and wrapped, and the box stores are one huge mass of humanity and chaos.

Honestly, it's enough to turn anyone into a Grinch.

(If I have hear Santa, Baby or Baby It's Cold Outside one more time, I may turn green myself.)

The Kid-lets are screaming. 

Your tree won't stand straight. 

The house decor looks so far from the Pinterest perfect image you had in your mind, you can't decide whether to laugh or cry. 

That stupid Elf hasn't moved from his perch in a week, and you're praying that the kids don't notice.

Your spouse is hopeless when it comes to deciding what gifts to buy his parents.

Somebody just stole the last package of Oreos that you needed for your truffles right from under your nose.

The cashier is telling you that the coupon you want use on the Avengers playset that your son is dying for isn't valid (which it clearly is!).

It's enough to make anyone want to pitch a tinsel throwing fit!

And even worse the cashier just had the audacity to tell you Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas!! Really?! Doesn't he know that it's Merry Christmas and not Happy Holidays???!!!!

How dare he?! 

That's it!!

You've had it!! This is the last straw!!

You open your mouth to let out a verbal barrage flay that fake, plastered on smile off of the cashier's face.

STOP. Re-evaluate. Take a deep breath. Say a quick prayer for patience.

Whatever it takes to stop that poison from leaving your mouth.

Do you really want to be one of those customers? You know the kind I'm talking about. Don't deny it.

Don't be the Holiday Customer that makes anyone in retail/customer service dread coming into work from November 1 - January 6.

The holidays are stressful time for everyone. Every. One.

Please don't ruin the day of that poor girl at Starbucks counter by snarking at them because their cups are just plain red, and don't have snowflakes on them.

I didn't realize that Starbucks is the be all end all when it comes to Christmas. 

Personally, I could care less. The only problem I have with Starbucks is that I think their coffee tastes burnt, and is highly overrated. (Sorry, Starbucks. It's how I feel).

If you truly have a problem, write a polite, respectful letter to Starbucks HQ. Don't take it out on an innocent barista. Don't bring it up. Just order your coffee, and move along.

Please don't lecture the poor kid checking you out at Target about how you're going to tell him "Merry Christmas even if it is politically incorrect!"

1. Do you realize how many times he's heard that today?

2. He has to say Happy Holidays because that's what corporate tells him to say, and there is nothing he can do to change it.

3. Please don't take to Facebook to tell the world how "Corporate America can't stop YOU from saying Merry Christmas because I just told the cashier at Target!! So stick that up your corncob pipe!" Really? That's just tacky.

4. Just smile, say thank you, say your Season's Greetings, and leave. It's quite simple.

Honestly, I couldn't give a flying fig if someone told me Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanzaa. I'll wish them the same and tell them Merry Christmas to boot.

Look. I get it.

Having to feel like you're tiptoeing on "politically correct eggshells" all the time is exhausting!

But let's not forget that we're all forging through this holiday season together.

I'm stressed. You're stressed. We're all stressed.

Guys, let's just resolve to act like human beings around each other this time of year and all the other time of the year. It's as simple as thinking about the other person more than yourself.

Don't forget that this is the time of year that those of us who call ourselves Christians are celebrating the birth of a baby who was, is, and always will be The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6) not the Prince of Strife, Stress, and Contention.

My fellow Christians, how about we show it?

A little kindness goes so much farther than the two seconds it took to give someone a genuine smile (personally, I need this reminder every day, sometimes, every hour).

And best of all, I believe it blesses my Heavenly Father's heart when He sees His kids treating each other decently.

Together we can do it.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!